Undeath of Him and Her
by Terapsina
Summary: In 'Lies My Parents Told Me' Buffy reaches Robin and Spike sooner, but her sudden entrance leads to tragic consequences. Later she receives an unexpected dream that gives hope... if she is willing to give up her mortal life for his immortal one. Spuffy.
1. The Death and the Dream

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

AN: This story is something I did a long time ago, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to publish it at the time so I forgot about it. Now recently I rewrote it and decided to place it here for all of you to judge. This has three chapters overall and I'll publish them as soon as I deal with some of the things I'm still not completely satisfied with.

**AN2:** This chapter was recently edited by my new beta Katrina. I think she did a pretty amazing job in correcting my spelling and grammar mistakes, hope you agree ;)

o0O0o

The Death and the Dream

o0O0o

Buffy was running faster than she had thought her legs could carry her, but at that moment she didn't particularly care. Giles had been distracting her, keeping her busy while Principal Robin Wood was supposed to kill Spike. The only reason she wasn't hyperventilating and letting tears drop was because she needed all her energy to run, to stop something horribly irrevocable from happening.

Suddenly, not a moment too soon she was in front of the door behind which she heard the sound of some unfamiliar tune, she forced the door open almost lifting it out of its hinges. The sight that greeted her there nearly stopped her heart, the room was covered in crosses of all shapes and sizes and in the middle of the room beaten and bloody with Spike kneeling in front of him lay Robin Wood. Her entrance distracted Spike from saying something and he turned towards her, the human laying on the floor used that split second of Spike's lack of attention to grab a stake and shove it in the blond vampires back. Buffy didn't have the time to warn Spike before the piece of wood had pierced his heart. The last thing she saw before he turned to dust was blue eyes gazing at her in betrayal.

She could only stare as the dust of the most unique vampire Buffy had ever met slowly fell on the ground. At first she didn't notice Wood slowly picking himself up and coming towards her, she didn't hear him calling her name, but the moment he tried to touch her shoulder she bolted backwards as if his hand could burn her. Buffy looked at the face of the man who had just killed the only friend she had had when she was pulled from heaven. She saw somebody that dusted the vampire who took care of her sister when she was gone. Murderer of the man that had loved her enough to get a soul and she didn't see a bit of regret. The only expression she did see was of smug satisfaction. So she proceeded to do what she always did when emotions came at her too fast to be properly processed, she punched the nose of the closest monster in her vicinity. This time that monster just happened to be human.

Then she bolted.

o0O0o

By the time she came into Revello Drive she was shivering, the adrenaline had left her system making her feel cold. Her cheeks were wet from crying and her makeup was smeared across her face, there was a tear in her black jacket and streaks of hair were out of place. She looked like a mess.

So when Buffy entered her living room she barely even noticed the silence that had descended the moment everyone saw her unflattering state. Then everyone started speaking at once and the sudden sounds ruthlessly jolted her out of the denial she had slipped into.

"Buffy, are you alright?"

"What happened?"

"Were you attacked?"

"Who did this to you?"

"Do we need weapons?"

Buffy was still so heavily in shock that she didn't understand a word anyone was saying, she just stared mutely at everyone. Dawn seemed to recognize the look from when Buffy had first come back from the dead and the Scoobies had crowded towards her just like they were doing now, so she took a hold of the situation.

"Shut up!"

Dawn's scream quietened everyone down. Once certain no one would interrupt her, she softened her tone and repeated one of the questions on everyone's minds.

"What happened, Buffy?"

"I… Spike..."

It was like another much louder explosion had detonated in the room, Buffy didn't have time to say anything else before everyone was talking again. Only Dawn stayed quiet, she being the only one to notice her sister's state couldn't be because of something Spike had done. Buffy would have been angry if that had been the case and she looked more heartbroken than furious. That revelation filled Dawn's heart with dread and suddenly her eyes pleaded Buffy to say something that would prove the thread her thoughts were taking to be unfounded. Before Buffy could answer her sisters silent plea, her fuzzy mind caught up with something Xander had said.

"The Evil Undead tried to rape you again didn't he? I told you he hadn't changed, like a soul could do anything for that monster."

The slap surprised everyone. Even Buffy showed astonishment at her own actions until she remembered why she had done so, then her face transformed into something the vampire currently on everyone's minds would recognize as the expression she had been wearing a year ago when she beat him up in that dark alley near the police station. When Buffy started speaking her voice was raw from crying and very, very quiet. It gave everyone in the room chills.

"You don't know anything Xander. He didn't even try to rape me then, not in the way you understand it, not even the way _you_ had tried to do it to me once. My relationship with him is… was too complicated to be explained in a way your prejudiced mind could understand. He hurt me, but before that I had hurt him so much more. I used him and I abused him and I didn't care because he was evil and he had no soul, so he couldn't feel anything anyway, right? I punished him for what _you_ all had done to me, because punishing you would have been _wrong_, right?"

Xander had paled and everyone looked at him suspiciously, with slight confusion. As always he decided that his best defense was a good offense, so he came up with the only trump card he had left.

"Well if Spike was so great, then why did he cheat on you with Ahn?"

Buffy laughed, but no one could mistake it for a happy sound and Faith actually flinched hearing the tone. For a while there that was the only kind of laugh she herself could produce, totally fake and completely dark.

"He didn't cheat, by the time your Wedding from Hell came around I'd already broken up with him. Months later he had every right to sleep with anyone he desired. The only reason I was so upset, was because I was jealous and I didn't like the fact he was actually trying to move on. Spike was many things, but he was never a cheater and you should know."

As Dawn continued to listen to Buffy talk, she became more and more upset for the way she herself had treated Spike this year. It seemed that he didn't deserve all of the blame placed on his shoulders. The teen also didn't fail to note Buffy's slip about Spike in past tense. Tears were threatening to escape, but she refused to let them fall until Buffy told her that there was a reason for her to do so. And she really didn't want to hear her older sister say that Spike was anything but fine so she didn't open her mouth to start screaming at her like she usually would have.

The Scoobies were all watching their leader closely, trying to figure out what had caused the blond warriors' disconcerting and volatile mood, while a few potential Slayers were eagerly eavesdropping on the conversation. It was like watching a live soap opera.

Finally Willow got enough courage to steer her best friend back to the original question. Buffy's aura was a mix of grief, loneliness, sadness, regret, anger and heartbreak with a large spoon of betrayal on top and it was confusing the redheaded witch, so she repeated the question she had tried to ask before.

"Are you alright?"

All humor vanished from Buffy's face, leaving her completely blank. Before she answered, she forced all her emotions to the very back of her mind letting the Slayer part of her have enough control to make sure she didn't break down, but not any more than necessary otherwise she knew she would literally tear Xander to pieces. And as satisfying as that might be, she knew she would regret it later.

"Why wouldn't I be? After all, my Watcher didn't take me on a patrol with the sole intention of distracting me while his good buddy, Woody, went about his plan of killing my strongest fighter. I didn't run into that torture chamber _just_ in time to distract a winning vampire. I didn't see Wood shove a stake through his back. I didn't see Spike turn to dust while he thought it had been my plan to kill him. Why wouldn't I be alright?"

The tears that had dried before she entered her house started falling again and all the emotions and realizations that had tried to come out when she saw Spike die struck her with full force. She froze from the sheer pain she felt at that moment. She had thought that there would never be anything as painful as sending Angel to hell, but this was so much worse. As painful as that had been, she had known it had a purpose, killing him had saved the world. The only purpose here was a small man's thirst for revenge and another ones ignorant resolution to take away her main emotional and physical support because it would apparently rob the First of his lackey. And she knew like she knew breathing, that if Spike had really been an agent for the First Evil, it would have hid that fact not advertised it, the thing practically begged her to kill him. That alone should have told everyone that the vampire's death was the absolute worst thing that could happen.

And it was, although at that particular moment she cared little for the world. It was the worst thing, because now that Spike wasn't there and would never again be anywhere in the world at all, she finally knew something she should have known before. She loved him.

Not like she had once loved Angel, that love had been sweet, innocent and had always made her sigh and giggle or feel dramatically depressed when thinking about him. She had finally recognized it for what it had always been, that first ever love when everything is new and surprising and not really lasting. She had been holding on to the idea that Angel had invoked so long ago, because without it there would be only demons in her life and she would have given up years earlier. William the Bloody might even have gotten his one good day with her.

Her emotions towards Spike were messy and real. He could make her feel dizzy, and exhilarated, and special and angry all at once. He could hurt her with a careless word then make her smile and laugh and forgive him even if she had never admitted it out loud. He made her feel jealous and furious and everything else. He made her feel.

And now he couldn't do all those things anymore because the only father figure she had trusted after her girl years had passed had conspired to remove him from her life. And by the Powers did it hurt.

o0O0o

Rupert Giles entered the Summers' household planning the speech that Buffy needed to hear. He knew she would eventually understand that what he did had to be done, so he chased away any guilt he might feel. The living room was quiet so he didn't notice that he wasn't alone until a hand slapped him across his face. He lifted his eyes in shock and connected them with glaring blue ones belonging to his Slayers' younger sister. The girl looked at him a moment longer opening her mouth to say something but, deciding him unworthy, shook her head before leaving out the front door and loudly slamming it shut. That's when he noticed all the other eyes directed at him and sharply pulled off his glasses to clean them.

"Shouldn't someone go after her, this isn't the best time for Dawn to go out alone."

"She's not alone Mr. G," Faith replied without her usual bite. "She went to join B."

"Excuse me, what do you mean by that?"

For a moment no one replied until Anya in her usual style rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance at their silly behavior. No one here had guts, that's why she missed her demonic friends, at least they spoke what they were thinking.

"She means, because you killed Spike, Buffy took Dawn's and her own things and moved to one of the empty houses on the other side of the street. She told us to tell you and that Robin guy that they don't want to see or hear from you and that we can go there only if our lives are in danger. She'll keep patrolling and fight anything the First throws at any of us, but the moment this Apocalypse is over she's resigning and from this moment on you're no longer her Watcher."

Giles stood frozen in the middle of the room not quite sure about how he should react to Anya's message. Willow was biting her lower lip before looking at the Ex-Vengeance demon and whispering.

"I thought we were going to try to tell it gently."

"Like there's any way to do that. He would have taken this badly however you would have worded it, I at least did it quickly. It's a bit like pulling off a Scarnian Hell's Leech, the quicker you're done with it, the longer you'll live."

Giles was only partially listening to what the children were saying. Suddenly he realized that he might not have done the right thing by working with Robin. But surely Buffy would see that he didn't have a choice? It had to be done and this childish response only proved he was correct in his conviction that Buffy would never have been able to do it.

o0O0o

Buffy lay awake in the unfamiliar bed with Dawn sleeping in her arms. She had cried herself to sleep and while Buffy herself felt like sobbing her heart out, she didn't allow herself the relief it would bring anymore. Her chest was hurting and the ache she felt was almost physically perceptible. She concentrated on it, as long as she did so she wouldn't have to remember those last seconds where Spike was still alive and she hadn't done anything to keep him that way. Soon though, even her nocturnal half couldn't keep her awake and she slipped into the world of nightmares.

_She felt herself running through a very deep, unnaturally dark forest. She needed to escape. Something wanted to have her heart and she couldn't give it away. She could feel eyes on her, they were primal and seductive and they urged her to slow her steps. But it was so important to keep going, she needed to move faster, if she got caught it would hurt, she couldn't let those eyes carve out her heart and leave._

_She was almost there, the clearing was only feet ahead of her, just a few more steps and she could be there again. Everything would be back to normal if only she stepped into it. It was so familiar, so easy. Suddenly it also seemed to be gray and ordinary. She hesitated and looked back. The forest had changed, where before the trees were black and seeped with savage fear and hate, now everything about them radiated wilderness and something completely unknown, but beautiful. Blood started to pump in her veins with more force, the only thing she could hear was her own heart beating against her ribcage. If she crossed into the clearing she could keep her heart, but it would still be broken. If she returned to the forest it would stop its beat, but she could have everything._

_Before she could make a choice a figure stepped out of the tree line. It was a woman, she moved like an untamed beast looking for its prey, her dark skin covered with white clay and her face and arms were painted with symbols unread since their creation. Something about the woman's eyes made the girl pause and urged her to trust, still silent the woman extended her arm in invitation. Without thinking she grasped the painted palm and watched everything around them change._

_Buffy was suddenly in the desert, memories returned and she was finally aware of being in a dream. She wondered what this vision was about, she was too tired for doom and gloom. Maybe she would finally receive some clear answers._

_'You must choose.' _

_The words weren't spoken aloud, she could understand them in her mind, but it was like she got the meaning behind them not the sentence itself._

_Buffy furrowed her brows. No not clear. This looked more like one of her cryptic visions she could never understand even when she did._

_"Choose what?"_

_'Unlife with your mate. Life alone. Choose!'_

_"Oh God!" _

_She knew who the Primal Slayer meant, if she had ever let herself think about it she would have known before. Her mate was Spike, the Slayer was giving her the chance to get him back. But she would have to become a vampire to have him, her life really was unfair. First things first though, she had to make sure she would do the right thing if she did choose to get her apparent mate back to join the unliving. _

_"Is he in heaven? I can't rip him away from that."_

_'No. Mind interfered with the greater design, your mate shouldn't have died. He needed to be there to halt the First Evil, he would have saved the world. He can't gain Peace until he risks everything for the good of all.'_

_"Oh."_

_She was both relieved and saddened, if there was any vampire deserving of Heaven it would be him and knowing he was currently in Hell seemed just wrong. But now she had the chance of getting him back and she needed that hope. Her breath hitched as a thought struck Buffy._

_"I can't lose Dawn. I can't live knowing she will grow old and die, and I'll still be there always fighting and watching everyone leave."_

_'Energy is immortal. The Key is energy.'_

_"Fine go with the cryptic. And anyway Dawn isn't the Key anymore, remember why I jumped right? That 'energy' is all used up."_

_'Energy is endless. The Key is energy.'_

_"Should have known it couldn't have been that easy," Buffy grumbled to herself and rolled her eyes. _

_This was why she hated visions, she always learned something she didn't want to know. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Dawn was immortal. Spike would be immortal if she ever got him back. She would be an immortal undead if she wanted to have Spike back with her. Spike was meant to be her mate. Well, at least that was good. The question now was did she want the actual love of her life or her mortal friends and they're ideas of normal?_

_Buffy opened her eyes. She was alone standing on the line between the clearing that she could see the end of and the forest that might be endless. Between life and death. She looked towards the gray field and saw no life there. She ran deeper in the forest, her heartbeat slowly stopped, her temperature dropped and her vision was assaulted by images of a ritual._

Buffy opened her eyes and a smile curled her lips. She laughed in relief, the last pieces of the guilt she felt about loving a demon vanished. Her friends might judge her, but now she knew that the Powers That Be and the Slayer within her approved of her feelings towards William the Bloody and that was more than enough.

The only thing left now was getting her vampire back from the afterlife and telling him the three words he always wanted to hear from her. She was finally ready to say them and mean it.


	2. The Resurrection and the Turn

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: And I can _finally_ publish this chapter, you have no idea how sorry I am for the delay.

**A/N2:** This has been recently edited by Katrina. I think she did a very nice job correcting my mistakes.

o0O0o

Chapter 2: The Resurrection and the Turn

o0O0o

_The instructions that assaulted her mind were clear and more factual than a sleeping mind can dream up, even if they didn't make much sense to her magically uneducated brain._

_With surprising clarity, Buffy gained the concrete knowledge that her actions would stay invisible to the First. His interference caused the breach in destiny so no opportunity to stop what was meant would be given._

_She saw the ingredients. A full moon clearly illuminated the night sky. The dust particles that had dropped to the floor. Spike's ash mixed together with clay and then painted on the floor to form a pentagram so that he would be connected to the ritual. The needed sacrifice of air, fire, water, earth and spirit taken from her body was given to the gods._

_Then a final explosion of light and the voice of her lineage sent one final message._

'_Red witch gave no sacrifice, so the gods chose and took it. If you will give yourself, we won't steal to balance the scales.'_

o0O0o

Once Dawn had woken up she was ready for many things, she was not, however, prepared for the brilliant smile on her older sister's face.

Anger started to simmer in her chest, she couldn't believe that after one day, only a single night of sleep, Buffy could be over the death of Dawn's best friend and be fine enough to greet her with a smile. Wasn't it only yesterday that she had yelled her love for Spike out loud?

"Morning, Dawnie."

The only answer that deserved was the one Buffy got. A glare that coming from a witch would have sent her to someplace extremely unpleasant. From a mystical teenager, it portrayed very clearly exactly what she was at that moment feeling for her sister. To put it bluntly, Dawn was thinking that she really wished the monks hadn't made this Slayer into her blood relation.

"What?"

So there, that should make her feelings on Buffy's mood quite clear. And if it didn't, she had plenty other remarks left. At least this new development took her thoughts away from the part of her that was crying in grief and guilt. She still remembered the last words she spoke to the vampire who was for so many different reasons almost a brother. She would do anything to take them back now.

"Dawnie, I have to tell you something."

Of course she had to tell her something, there was always something Buffy had to tell her or order her, or forgive her. Sometimes she wondered if there was ever anything that had absolutely nothing to do with her. But no, the world revolved around her bigger sister.

"I don't want to hear it."

And she didn't. That chipper mood only meant one thing, Buffy had gotten something she wanted. Spike was gone - not like _she_ seemed to care anymore - which meant this had something to do with Angel. If Buffy was about to tell her that Angel had become human and they were going to become one big happy family Dawn didn't care how she would manage it, but she would make sure that the threat she made to a vampire would transfer to the Slayer instead.

"I don't think that's true."

Dawn scoffed at that untruth, but otherwise completely ignored her. A moment later her own mood changed its tune and the hope that must have been singing in her sister's chest started its melody in her own as well.

"I know how to get Spike back."

o0O0o

"_Here in this circle, I invoke fire. I wish to reignite the immortal life of the man my heart desires and so I sacrifice the warmth in my body to the Gods and Goddess above." _

_Buffy knelt in front of the blood red candle that was placed on the point between East and South. Recalling all the passion Spike never failed to awake in her, she leaned forward and kissed one side of the candle watching as it lit up in response. A moment later she felt it as the heat leaked from her veins leaving a powerful chill behind. She stood up and moved forward._

o0O0o

Forcing herself to step into the outhouse where Spike was killed was hard. The only thing stopping her from breaking into tiny pieces was the promise of getting him back and her need to stay strong for the sake of Dawn.

"So this is where…" Dawn didn't finish the sentence and Buffy felt nothing but grateful for it.

Hearing out loud that Spike was dusted wouldn't help with her resolve to stay outwardly impassive. She might have the means to correct the tragedy, she might even be working on the tools for it, but it didn't change the fact that right in that instance the world she was living in was missing someone who used to be the bane of her existence and was now one of the two most important people in it.

Quieting her thoughts Buffy leaned forward to hide her activities from any inquiring eyes and as silently as possible, with some satisfaction, broke the handle, before opening the door. It was even more horrifying than she remembered. The crosses littering across the walls, floors and even ceiling were bad enough, but the brown smears painting some of them were what made the scene complete. The strangled gasp of her sister directed her attention away and she carefully chose to keep it that way, Buffy really didn't want to imagine exactly what had happened in that room before she came into it yesterday.

"I want to kill him."

Dawn's voice had an edge to it she had never heard there before, but one she nonetheless recognized. It seemed that breaking and entering wasn't the only thing Spike had taught her. Despite the reaction that should have come forth, it wasn't horror her sister's words inspired, but a certain pang of pride and sadness that comes with a realization that your little sister is growing up. She wondered what it said about her that a death threat inspired this feeling, the social services would probably not approve.

"He's human, Dawn." The look of scorn sent her way, spoke clearer than words and Buffy was glad to see that some growing up was yet to come. "I know, but how about we leave the revenge to Spike?"

That changed the atmosphere greatly and the task ahead was no longer as daunting as it looked to be when they set out to do it. It didn't take them long to collect as much of the heap of ash as they could and wash away the rest. If they somehow accidentally broke every bottle of holy water around, well it's not like anyone important could blame them.

o0O0o

"_Here in this circle, I invoke air. I wish to find the intertwined soul of the human and demon alike carried away by the winds of death and so I sacrifice my breath to the Gods and Goddess above." _

_Now, on the point between North and West, Buffy placed her face nearer to the yellow candle and, imagining both faces Spike wore, blew a bit of air as if trying to extinguish a light that didn't exist. Instead the candle caught fire and Buffy felt more air escaping her lungs, leaving her breathing shallower with each following exhale. Dizzily she stood up and continued the ritual._

o0O0o

Giles' didn't actually feel like an apology was necessary - after all, what he did was ultimately for the best - but after some thought he did decide that it might be something Buffy needed to hear to move past it. That was why he was politely knocking at the door of the house Faith had, with some hesitation, directed him to.

The door wasn't opened by the person he was hoping for, but Dawn probably deserved an explanation as well, even if he couldn't quite understand why she had so suddenly forgiven Spike all his transgressions.

"What do you want?"

The tone was sharper than Giles' was looking for, but perhaps he was expecting too much from what amounted to an angry teen. And by the look of things, she was certainly angry. If the rude words didn't give him a clue, then the guarded body posture and patented icy facade certainly did.

"I came to apolo…"

"Why?"

Giles was unused to being interrupted and it showed once he hastily took off his glasses. The little smile this act usually summoned was absent.

"Excuse me?"

He directed a puzzled frown at the teen and suppressed the urge to reprimand Dawn for her impolite behavior. It was becoming quite clear that his words would be unwelcome.

"Why do you want to apologize? Because you're sorry Spike's dead? You're sorry we feel betrayed by you? Sorry that you conspired to kill him? Exactly _why_ do you want to apologize?"

Rupert Giles is a man of words, he is a keeper and finder of them, but right then he was rendered speechless. He carefully cleaned his glasses to regain his thoughts and only after putting them back on answered.

"I am truly sorry it was necessary to kill Spike and I regret the pain this caused you and Buffy, but…"

"Wrong answer."

And before he could stop her, Dawn slammed the door in his face and ignored all his attempts to summon her back. Five minutes later, with a much heavier heart, Giles left, for the first time seriously entertaining the possibility of having done the wrong thing.

o0O0o

"_Here in this circle, I invoke water. I wish to awake from eternal slumber the man whose second life was ended too soon and so I sacrifice my blood to the Gods and Goddess above."_

_Finding herself between North and East in front of the object that in another moment would become the third source of light, Buffy leaned over it and forced herself to recall the moment when Robin thrust that piece of wood in Spike's back turning him to dust. At that memory it wasn't too hard to force herself to cry, but this time she didn't stop herself and only watched as a teardrop landed upon the blue candle. Like the ones before it suddenly lit up and Buffy felt herself grow weaker as if the blood running through her was gradually vanishing despite there not being any wounds that could bleed._

o0O0o

It was the day before the night of the full moon and both Buffy and Dawn were carefully painting the five star pentagram on the floor of the lower level of Spike's former crypt. They were using the clay previously mixed together with the dust from the vampire who, in different ways, had a hold over both of their hearts.

From the reading they had been doing they knew it was more about the thought not the precision involved that pointed towards a successful ritual, but they still did their best to make sure everything was as close to perfection as possible. After all, from the dealing they had so far had with Gods and other higher beings, they had been left with the impression that fickle pettiness was some part of their middle name. They had no intention to accidentally anger the powers they needed to use to get Spike back.

So far since the first night neither of them had cried anymore, it seemed pointless now that there was hope. But it looked like Dawn was heading towards losing that battle if her shaking shoulders were anything to go by.

Buffy dropped the sticky paintbrush and enveloped Dawn in a tight embrace only barely holding back her full strength. Crushing her sister wasn't part of the plan after all.

"It's alright. We'll get him back. Spike will be back in less than a day and you won't have anything to be sad about."

Unconsciously she started to rock back and forth with her sister lulling calm back into both of them. In the next five minutes they immersed themselves in the comfort that the motion of the hug gave them and cried from the unfairness of what had happened From fear of not being able to fix it to the relief of that powerful hope of everything ending as planned.

"What brought that on?"

The question came naturally once the tears dried and for once Buffy knew she was asking the right thing. Dawn needed to get it all out, maybe Spike's death came with at least one silver lining and had brought the sisters closer together.

"I'm afraid Spike won't forgive me. I haven't talked to him in months and the last thing I did say was horrible. I know I thought Spike did something unforgivable to you, but that isn't completely why I was so angry. He didn't leave just you, he left for Africa and didn't even say goodbye. Why didn't he say goodbye?"

By the end of her confession she was barely whispering, the voice of a child asking why she was left disappointed. Buffy wished she had an answer, but it wasn't her words Dawn needed and she knew it.

"I don't know, but you can ask him yourself later. And I'm sure Spike will forgive you, he already has. He's been missing you since he came back with his soul, I could see it every time he looked at you, Dawnie. You have nothing to worry about."

Buffy knew then that she needed something to cheer Dawn up or at least distract her from her sadder thoughts. And Buffy had been keeping one final surprise for a moment just like this.

"Dawn! You might like to know that you are kinda immortal."

o0O0o

"_Here in this circle, I invoke earth. I wish to give back the unlife stolen from the mate of my being and so I sacrifice my life to the Gods and Goddess above."_

_More than halfway done, Buffy was slightly unsteady when she grabbed the forest green candle on the Southwest point of the pentagram. Finally gathering her concentration, she focused her thoughts on all the things she knew about Spike, everything that was important in his undead life. _

_Mentally she saw his glee when fighting, his unflinching ability to live in the moment, his love for her and Dawn, his rage when angered, his uncanny ability for insights, even his newly discovered determination to do good while still not denying his nature. _

_For the first time she allowed herself to admire it and so she barely noticed how the flame was dancing or how the darkness she had experienced twice already was beginning to envelop her mind. Still, Buffy knew that the ritual needed to be finished before she lost the last of the life within and so continued to the last represented element._

o0O0o

"You remember what you have to tell Spike, right?"

Buffy tried to force down the irritation she was feeling once the answer she got was the rolling of eyes. She was only half successful.

"Dawn, please."

"I remember, you made me recite it so many times I could probably tell it to him in my sleep."

She pushed away Buffy's hand once it tried to move some hair out of her face. Ruefully the older sister thought about how the closeness didn't last too long.

"Good."

She closed her eyes and, breathing deeply, with a long practiced expertise pushed past the fear of dying. After all, she had faced death on countless occasions, but this was only her second time of running towards it. Once she was ready, Buffy turned away from the only other person in the dark room with her and towards the place the ritual would be invoked in. It didn't look as impressive as she had expected, but then again magic never followed expectation well.

Instead of hesitating further, Buffy sat down and started to meditate, apparently she needed to be in tune with herself for the resurrection ritual to work.

o0O0o

"_Here in this circle, I invoke spirit. I wish to guide the way for the vampire who has the ability to love selflessly back from beyond the veil and so I… sacrifice my soul to the Gods and Goddess above." _

_Knowing that the ritual was almost over, Buffy sat down at the last point of the pentagram facing North. Leaning forward, she touched the final white candle with her forehead and gave the impression of praying. _

_She closed her eyes and looked inwards, letting her senses guide her, she knew the signature she associated with Spike. Buffy had always been able to sense vampires, but it was the demon carried within William the Bloody that the Slayer could recognize from the greatest distance, even when it was mixing with other non-human entities. _

_One moment there was nothing, just blackness and silence. But then he was there, the familiar tingle ran down her spine and she used the exhilaration of that feeling to call him to her. She didn't need a voice or even her own body to send the message it seemed, because she could feel him nearing. Then finally, something dropped to the floor behind her in the physical realm and faintly she felt herself laying down, barely breathing and with very little blood left in her system._

_The body that had just fallen three feet to the ground wasn't very happy with the sight that greeted him there. _

o0O0o

Spike knelt in front of the bleeding form of Robin Wood and licked the last traces of the human's blood from his lips. Now that the minimal payment his demon had demanded for the arranged surprise attack was taken, Spike was prepared to leave the principal alive if not quite well.

"I killed your mum, so I'll let you live… this time. But if you attack me again…" he left the threat hanging.

Angelus had taught him well the lesson of a promise of torture and the much worse alternatives a terrified mind would cast around itself. After all, the truth is never as emotionally amputating as imagination.

Spike was just about ready to stand up and take back his leather coat when the door banged open and he looked towards the Slayer standing in the doorway. Something sharp struck his back and drove towards his heart, his eyes captured those belonging to Buffy and he sent her a look of betrayal a moment before noticing her wide fearful gaze and cursed his own assumption. Then everything turned inky black.

o0O0o

_He didn't know how long a time had passed before thought again entered his foggy mind, but it did seem to be a while. Everything around him was in complete darkness and he didn't feel as if he still had a body. It might have otherwise been the strangest sensation ever, but he still very clearly remembered that hippie he had eaten and that feeling there was still slightly more unsettling in nature._

_Nothing around him moved and he seemed to be stuck in place by some unknown power. But as boring as the silence was, it didn't feel like hell and he was pretty sure he was dead so **that** was unexpected. _

"_I shoulda' offed the stupid Wanker. Killed two Slayers, helped a third one and I'm done in by the second one's toddler? I bet the Whelp's gonna laugh about this for years."_

_He allowed his thoughts time to drift away, not wanting to imagine how relieved Buffy might be that someone had finally staked him. Or how his Nibblet might be taking pleasure in knowing he wouldn't be near them anymore. He didn't miss the rest of them though, hadn't ever liked them that much anyway. After all, he'd always thought the Scoobie add-ons were the best of the bunch._

_His mental conversation was interrupted by a sudden feeling of something familiar approaching. It gave off the mental feel of the scent of sunshine and vanilla, and the color of golden locks and emerald eyes. Buffy! _

_Now, if he could figure out a welcome cause for why she was suddenly there, then everything would be alright. Because the only reason he could currently think of was that she was as dead as him, and that was wholly unacceptable._

_The sense of Buffy started to move further away calling him with her and he desperately tried to keep it near, unsurprisingly he wasn't able to do that. But he found himself moving so he started to follow the soul of the woman he loved. They trailed towards a buildup of some kind of energy and it was getting harder to keep up with his guiding light, but he wasn't known for giving up that easily and so pushed against the resistance until he was struck by the full power of the energy around him. _

_Suddenly within a body again, Spike fell._

o0O0o

He hit the ground hard. Disorientated, his eyes looked for something to hold them and somewhere at the back of his mind noticed that he was laying on his back in his former crypt. A sound nearby grabbed his attention and he was met by the most awful sight since his last big fall, a blue in the face Buffy was down beside him on her own back heaving for air and obviously failing to gather any. He choked horrifically and crawled closer.

Spike was struck by the fabric of a blanket and growling protectively looked at the person who had thrown it. Dawn was standing three steps behind him, shaking and pointedly looking towards the ceiling with a bright shade of pink coloring her cheeks. Finally, noticing his undressed state, he folded the blanket around his hips and finally reached Buffy before grinding out an angry question he was afraid he knew the answer to. The pentagram they were laying in was very telling.

"What did you two do?"

"Do you want to hear answers now or maybe wait until after you save my sister?"

Dawn hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but she couldn't shake the complicated web of feelings that had slowly culminated in the past months off in just a moment entirely.

He could see that Buffy was getting weaker by the moment so didn't reply the way he would have otherwise, instead his only question was the obvious one.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Turn her!"

"What?"

He hadn't been expecting that, people better left unmentioned might be surprised to know that he had never wanted to do that to his Slayer, not even when she was just the girl he wanted to kill. Being turned into a vampire was something no Slayer wanted and Spike had always understood and respected that. The fact that Dawn would even suggest it to him now was unbelievable.

"If you don't turn her she'll die."

"Buffy would never want to…"

"She knew this would happen, you have to turn her before it's too late."

He looked deeply into the blue eyes of his Little Niblet and tried to read everything she was refusing to say out loud. The eyes looked back with the stubbornness he knew she had learned from the Slayer, so he gave up any doubts he carried and turned back towards the deceptively fragile woman who had ruthlessly entrapped his heart.

He was surprised to see she was still conscious and looking at him in wonder. He managed a smile before leaning forward to lightly touch her face, her skin was just as smooth as he remembered it being, but already it was losing the warmth he associated with her. He needed to know that Buffy really wanted to turn into a being she had relentlessly hunted and killed for eight years. And even if she never spoke her answer out loud, he needed to get it from her. He had always been able to read truth in her eyes. Everything else had frequently lied, but Buffy's eyes had always betrayed her.

"Are you sure?"

Buffy managed to send one last look towards him before her eyes finally closed from exhaustion. It was all he needed to see. Spike let the demon in him gain control and quickly placed his lips against her bare neck. After gently slipping his fangs through her skin and into her vein, the vampire swallowed his first taste of _her_.

The blood was charged with the most potent power he had ever tasted in his undead life. Even the Chinese Slayer hadn't been this intoxicating and for a moment the pleasure the red liquid was sending through his body almost made him forget the task he was about to commit. But he heard her heart slowing rapidly and extracted his fangs from her neck. He didn't need more then a few sips to start the siring bond anyway.

A second later he was biting into his own wrist and placing it upon her lips. Massaging her throat, he urged her to swallow and silently begged her to fight back against the darkness he knew was quickly enveloping her being. Spike breathed out a sigh of relief once he felt the muscles in her throat constricting against his uninjured palm, she was swallowing more and more blood from his open wrist and he had no intention of stopping her until she couldn't drink anymore. Buffy may have decided to become a vampire, but Spike's soul and demon were in complete agreement over whether to make her a Childe or not. She was far too important to be lowered to the station of a minion.

Finally he heard Buffy's heart stop for the last time so he moved his hand away from her mouth and cleaned off the blood smearing her beautiful face. After he was done making her look as if she was only asleep - and not dead for the next two or three days - he wiped off the tears that had been running down his face since he first saw Buffy lying on the cold floor of the crypt. His task as a Sire done, he turned around to face Dawn.

"I would like to hear an explanation now. Would you care to tell me why I'm not dead and am now forever responsible for your sister never seeing sunlight again?"


End file.
